Time has flown...it has been over a month since my last post. I have been thinking a lot about the blog, but just not taken the time to do anything about it until now. This is going to be a two part post. It centers around a lesson I do over two days...so, here ya go!
Tomorrow I will visit the last rotation of 8th grade girls in their Tools class. We have used Tools class this year as a way to tackle bullying at our school. Also, this semester is girls only, and next semester will be boys only. The gender separate class was a great idea in my opinion, and I wish I could take credit for it. With it being an all girls class it really offers itself as the perfect setting to talk about Relational Aggression. On a side note, if you want to look at the curriculum we use the link is below and it is free. Our Assistant Principal found it online - there are tons of great activities for the kids to work through.
Back to the Relational Aggression for a bit...In my limited experience as a school counselor (I'm in the middle of my second year) I have probably spent the most amount of time researching and dealing with this issue, particularly with 8th grade girls. Something seems to change when girls go to the high school, or get better if you will. There are still RA issues, just they seem to be fewer and farther between than in the middle school. Here are some of the books I have used to study, learn, deal with, facilitate, etc. the issue of girls bullying girls.
These books are all great resources for anyone who works with school aged girls. I have young daughters and I can tell you that we started when my oldest was in Kindergarten talking about strategies to deal with things like exclusion, comments about fat, skinny, etc. because she was already dealing with those things at school. It is sad to me that girls tend to work against each other, they tear each other down over clothes and boys. Wouldn't it be so great if girls built each other up, and supported and helped each other instead?
I have really taken bits and pieces from all these books and various internet resources to put together my plan for day one of this lesson. Girl Wars was particularly helpful because I was able to recreate a RA Self Assessment that is included in the back of the book. I probably can't take credit for any original ideas here considering how many different things I used when it was all said and done. :)
So, after I thank them for letting me step in on their class I give every girl a new, clean, blank piece of notebook paper.
Without any further instructions I tell them to crumple the paper up as much as possible. They can even stomp on it if they want. This usually catches them off guard and I get some weird looks and a couple of questions that I don't answer on purpose.
Then I tell them, once they have their paper crumpled as much as possible, now they have to try to smooth it out. Smooth it out so much that it looks exactly like it did before they waded it up and stomped on it.
They quickly tell me that it is impossible to make it look new and clean as it did before. This is when I relate their words and actions towards others to this activity. A lot of times we say and do things that hurt other people - our siblings, our parents, our friends, our teachers, etc. Sometimes we do these things accidentally, but sometimes it's on purpose. No matter how we try to make things right by apologizing, telling them "just kidding" or whatever, the wrinkles and the scars are still there.
So this whole process takes about three minutes - it's very short and sweet and to the point. I got this particular idea from Pinterest - here is the link: http://pinterest.com/pin/278378820687905461/
Then I give them this handout:
You can find it Here in Google Drive
Then we talk about the three players in a bullying situation. I really focus on the bystander though. We feel, as a school, that they bystander is the key to putting a dent in bullying. We talk about the reasons people don't step in when they see bullying. I think the biggest reason is because kids don't know how to step in. Their whole lives they are taught to mind their own business - I tell my own kids this...you don't worry about so and so, your worry about yourself. So they have that engrained in their brain coupled with a lack of knowledge on how to respond.
So the last thing we talk about as a group with this handout are some things they can do the next time they see bullying. The girls have done a great job coming up with ideas. I throw some out there too. These are anything from getting an adult, changing the subject in the conversation, physically helping the victim get away from the situation, speaking up to the bully, drawing attention away from the situation, and so on. I have them write down one or two things they would be comfortable with doing if the situation arises.
The phone number at the bottom of the page is an anonymous crime stopper line we have. Kids can call or text that number about anything going on, including bullying. I tell them they can take their phones out and put the number in so they will have it if they need it. I will try to figure out a way to share this document if anyone wants it. :)
After that discussion on general bullying we turn our attention to issues specific to girls...exclusion, talking behind backs, facebook/texting, cattiness, competition and the like. All the girls agree they see a difference in how girls interact with each other from how boys interact. They agree they can have their best friend and their worst enemy within the same friend group and that sometime those roles change and flip flop.
Anyway, I end the lesson by giving them a self assessment that I recreated from the book Girl Wars. I will post a copy in Part 2. The instructions are simple - if the statement fits something you have done over the last few weeks place a check mark in the box. I don't answer a lot of their questions because there isn't really a right or wrong answer - if a girl has a question on whether something qualifies as one of the statements, I usually tell them to go with their gut.
When they finish I collect them and take them with me to score...This is where I am leaving off tonight. Part 2 will include my plan for the follow up lesson a couple of days later.
So, thank you for reading. I would love to hear how you address bullying at your school.
To be continued :)...
