Brief Bullying Lesson - Part 2

So a little bit of time has gone by since I posted Part 1 of this lesson....like, seven months.  The spring semester flew by, and my testing duties at school kept me super busy.  I wasn't motivated to write a blog post in the evenings because I was so drained by the time I actually got to sit down.  It has taken me this long of summer to get back into "school mode" too, so hopefully I can do a better job at posting.

If you need a refresher on the entire two day lesson you can see Part 1 Here  Like I said seven months ago, I did this lesson with girls only.  We are lucky enough to have a gender specific rotation class.  I did a totally different thing with the boys, and it was a complete fail....maybe I'll post about that later. 

Anyway, I left off the day one post by giving the girls a self assessment.  Basically, they read through a bunch of statements and put a check mark next to the ones that apply to them from the last couple of weeks. 

Here is a link to the self assessment: Relational Aggression Self Assessment
I retyped it from information from Queen Bees and Wannabees and Girl Wars.

After the girls filled out the assessment I "graded" it.  This is what it looks like after I color coded the statements they checked:

Each statement they read through has something to do with either Aggression, Bystander, Victim, or Power behaviors.  This group of girls from this class were really sweet, like really.  I have had sheets that had almost every statement checked.  These girls were much more subdued than other groups I have dealt with.

When I go back to the class for day two (usually a few days later) I bring their color coded assessments and the following handout.  One day I might actually make this digital, but I also kind of like the handwriting too.  I give them the color code system so they can see for themselves how they rated.  We don't talk about any specifics, like who checked what, or who was really aggressive, or things like that.  I let them soak all that in for themselves, and they keep their results private...at least until I leave.

 I do go through most of the tips in the handout though.  I think there are some really good talking points.  In particular I like the timeline on the first page.  I use this a lot with students when they are going through a hard time.  We think about their life in terms of a timeline from birth to say 75 years.  We mark off the little chunk that represents where they are now.  I want to show them that things get better (I specify that sometimes things get worse before they get better, but they do get better!) and that they still have a lot of life to look forward to.

I also really hit on being careful about what they put in writing, especially text and facebook type things.  Screen shots have been the downfall of many a young lady involved in a fight with friends.

Sorry about the orientation of this picture - I couldn't figure out how to flip it! :)

To wrap up I talk about how important it is to tell ourselves positive things - that sort of inner monologue.  I give them each a blank index card and tell them to write at least one good thing about themselves on it.  This is hard for a lot of girls, it would be hard for me too honestly.  We tend to focus on the negative things about ourselves.  Then I tell them to keep the card and place it somewhere they can pull it out if they need to - book, locker, wallet, etc....someplace they can be reminded of how awesome they are, and how much worth they have. 

Well, that's it for now!  Thanks for reading.  I would love to hear how you address Relational Aggression in your school.  I'm always looking for resources!  Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Brief Bullying Lesson - Part 1

Time has flown...it has been over a month since my last post.  I have been thinking a lot about the blog, but just not taken the time to do anything about it until now.  This is going to be a two part post.  It centers around a lesson I do over two days...so, here ya go! 

Tomorrow I will visit the last rotation of 8th grade girls in their Tools class.  We have used Tools class this year as a way to tackle bullying at our school.  Also, this semester is girls only, and next semester will be boys only.  The gender separate class was a great idea in my opinion, and I wish I could take credit for it.  With it being an all girls class it really offers itself as the perfect setting to talk about Relational Aggression.  On a side note, if you want to look at the curriculum we use the link is below and it is free.  Our Assistant Principal found it online - there are tons of great activities for the kids to work through.

http://www.overcomingobstacles.org/resources.php

Back to the Relational Aggression for a bit...In my limited experience as a school counselor (I'm in the middle of my second year) I have probably spent the most amount of time researching and dealing with this issue, particularly with 8th grade girls.  Something seems to change when girls go to the high school, or get better if you will.  There are still RA issues, just they seem to be fewer and farther between than in the middle school.  Here are some of the books I have used to study, learn, deal with, facilitate, etc. the issue of girls bullying girls.  

 These books are all great resources for anyone who works with school aged girls.  I have young daughters and I can tell you that we started when my oldest was in Kindergarten talking about strategies to deal with things like exclusion, comments about fat, skinny, etc. because she was already dealing with those things at school.  It is sad to me that girls tend to work against each other, they tear each other down over clothes and boys.  Wouldn't it be so great if girls built each other up, and supported and helped each other instead?

I have really taken bits and pieces from all these books and various internet resources to put together my plan for day one of this lesson.  Girl Wars was particularly helpful because I was able to recreate a RA Self Assessment that is included in the back of the book.  I probably can't take credit for any original ideas here considering how many different things I used when it was all said and done.   :)

So, after I thank them for letting me step in on their class I give every girl a new, clean, blank piece of notebook paper.  

Without any further instructions I tell them to crumple the paper up as much as possible.  They can even stomp on it if they want.  This usually catches them off guard and I get some weird looks and a couple of questions that I don't answer on purpose.

 Then I tell them, once they have their paper crumpled as much as possible, now they have to try to smooth it out.  Smooth it out so much that it looks exactly like it did before they waded it up and stomped on it. 

They quickly tell me that it is impossible to make it look new and clean as it did before.  This is when I relate their words and actions towards others to this activity.  A lot of times we say and do things that hurt other people - our siblings, our parents, our friends, our teachers, etc.  Sometimes we do these things accidentally, but sometimes it's on purpose.  No matter how we try to make things right by apologizing, telling them "just kidding" or whatever, the wrinkles and the scars are still there.

So this whole process takes about three minutes - it's very short and sweet and to the point.  I got this particular idea from Pinterest - here is the link:  http://pinterest.com/pin/278378820687905461/

Then I give them this handout:

You can find it Here in Google Drive

We talk about the quote at the top.  Most everyone can relate to a time when they needed someone on their side but no one was there.  We relate it to bigger events like the Holocaust, civil rights, ect., but like I said, most girls can think of specific times in their own lives.

Then we talk about the three players in a bullying situation.  I really focus on the bystander though.  We feel, as a school, that they bystander is the key to putting a dent in bullying.  We talk about the reasons people don't step in when they see bullying.  I think the biggest reason is because kids don't know how to step in.  Their whole lives they are taught to mind their own business - I tell my own kids this...you don't worry about so and so, your worry about yourself.  So they have that engrained in their brain coupled with a lack of knowledge on how to respond. 

So the last thing we talk about as a group with this handout are some things they can do the next time they see bullying.  The girls have done a great job coming up with ideas.  I throw some out there too.  These are anything from getting an adult, changing the subject in the conversation, physically helping the victim get away from the situation, speaking up to the bully, drawing attention away from the situation, and so on.  I have them write down one or two things they would be comfortable with doing if the situation arises.

The phone number at the bottom of the page is an anonymous crime stopper line we have.  Kids can call or text that number about anything going on, including bullying.  I tell them they can take their phones out and put the number in so they will have it if they need it.  I will try to figure out a way to share this document if anyone wants it.  :)

After that discussion on general bullying we turn our attention to issues specific to girls...exclusion, talking behind backs, facebook/texting, cattiness, competition and the like.  All the girls agree they see a difference in how girls interact with each other from how boys interact.  They agree they can have their best friend and their worst enemy within the same friend group and that sometime those roles change and flip flop.

Anyway, I end the lesson by giving them a self assessment that I recreated from the book Girl Wars.  I will post a copy in Part 2.  The instructions are simple - if the statement fits something you have done over the last few weeks place a check mark in the box.  I don't answer a lot of their questions because there isn't really a right or wrong answer - if a girl has a question on whether something qualifies as one of the statements, I usually tell them to go with their gut. 

When they finish I collect them and take them with me to score...This is where I am leaving off tonight.  Part 2 will include my plan for the follow up lesson a couple of days later.

So, thank you for reading.  I would love to hear how you address bullying at your school.

To be continued :)...

Don't Test Me

Don't Test Me...that's the t-shirt I wore yesterday to administer the PSAT.  I did it to get some laughs.  This is what it looks like:

Any counselor that also does the testing at their school can relate I'm sure!  I serve students in 8th and 9th grade (in two different buildings), but I do all the testing at the high school.  I consider the PSAT as my practice run for all the state tests and AP exams we give in the spring.  It is a one day, 3 or so hour test, so it's not too bad.

There is a lot of planning that goes into coordinating a test like this.  I might do a post on how I do things later on.  I have lots of great help, professional colleagues, and understanding/(forgiving) administrators so I am very thankful!

I found this shirt at my state counselor's conference last year.  It only came in Texas orange, but I liked it enough to buy it anyway.  I'm always looking for funny type t-shirts to wear to school on casual days.

So the PSAT shipped out today, and we are on to the EXPLORE test next week for 8th graders at the middle school.  After that, we will have a break until March when all 11th graders take their End of Course Literacy exam.  April comes fast and furious with the Benchmark at the middle school, 9th grades take the ITED, then there is also EOC Biology and EOC Geometry at the high school.  May brings all the AP exams and the EOC Algebra I test - sometimes on the same day at the same time.  Needless to say, the last couple of months of school fly by.

That's all for today!  Thanks for reading!  How do you prepare to administer big exams at your school?  I would love to hear all kinds of organization tips!

It Only Takes a Minute...or Two...or Three...

Minute Meetings!  Yay!

I am excited to finally get to post about my Minute Meetings!  Today I was able to get through the rest of the 9th graders.  It was an all day marathon of asking the same three questions, but I'm so glad I did it.   I came across this jewel of a counseling tool last year.  I don't even remember how I stumbled upon Danielle Schultz's blog, but I was in school counselor heaven.  Here is the link - you should check it out: http://www.schcounselor.com/2011/12/got-minute.html

She has so many great ideas and resources.  Most things are probably geared towards elementary/middle level, but could easily be adapted for secondary students.  If you are on Pinterest she has lots of great pins as well.

I actually attempted my first Minute Meetings last year in the spring.  I was only able to do them one time though because I got started so late.  This year my goal is to meet with students once a nine weeks.  So I'm done with the 9th grade, and I plan to start on 8th grade Thursday.  I love Minute Meetings because it helps me make those face to face connections you don't usually get with every student. 

Last year I did everything on paper.  It worked just fine, but I decided this summer that I would use a Google Form to record the data.  It was super easy to create!  The main issue I had with the paper was how to compile all the data when I was done.  I had it there, and then would have to spend several hours actually going through it.  Google Forms does all that for me, so I like it!

 

 There are basically three questions to ask:  How are things going in your personal life?  How are things at school? and What do you want to do after high school?  Notice those three questions cover all three domains: personal, academic, careers.  I also threw in an Is there anything I can do for you? and a Mrs. Hunt's notes section.  The last two things will help me identify kids I need to follow up with later.

When you create the form it automatically produces an internet address for you that will take you to the form.  This is where you enter the responses.  As long as you have a wireless connection you could do your meetings anywhere.  I did all the meetings with my iPad and wireless keyboard.

This is what the actual form looks like:

So I just set up shop outside the classroom door.  I brought a TV table from home - it was just right for my purpose + it was easy to carry!  I spend just a couple of minutes explaining to the whole class what I'm doing and preparing them for the questions I'm going to ask.  (I hope next time I won't have to reexplain) Then I start with the first kid on the class list.  We go out and do their meeting and then when they are finished they send the next kiddo out.  It is pretty efficient.

 

I fill out the form as the kids answer and then add any notes for myself.  When finished, this is what the data looks like in spreadsheet form: (I removed the names) Please excuse any misspellings - I was typing fast and spelling is not my strongest asset! lol!

One of the great things about Google Forms is that it converts your data into easy to read chart form.  This is under the Show Summary of Results in the Form tab.  This is what came up for the 9th graders in the first round:

My plan now is to make some sort of poster to share the data with students.  Maybe something to hang in their English classes.  I am thinking of doing a word cloud with all their career choices too.  I would love any ideas on how to share data with students.  I actually have a plan to use the mail merge thing to make an individual report for each student.  That is probably another post in itself....

One thing I have discovered:  I will have to make a new form for each time I do a Minute Meeting.  I've already created one for the 8th graders later this week.  I'm doing this so my data does not all run together.  I have not figured out a way to really separate responses and be successful with the show summary of responses thing.  It's easy to recreate the forms, but it is something to think about if you are going to do them with different groups at different times of the year.

That's all for today!  How do you do Minute Meetings?  How can I make mine better?  I would love to hear ideas and suggestions! 

Where's Your Hall Pass?

This is just a short post today.  I thought I would write about the pass I use when I need to see a student.  I hate to knock on a classroom door myself and ask for a kid.  It creates a disturbance, they may be in the middle of something, and then there is the whole confidentiality thing.  Not everyone needs to know when I need to see someone.

The inspiration for the pass I created came when I visited a counseling center at a very large local high school.  It was for one of my graduate classes, but they were gracious enough to let my class snoop around a bit.  One of the assistant principals actually taught the class, so it was a perk you might say. :)  I took a picture of it then so I could recreate it.

The top paper is a request to see the counselor.  I have not done one of those yet, but I probably should.  It is not the best picture.  I took it last year, not even thinking I would start a blog about counseling and might need a decent photo.  haha!

Anyway, here is what I came up with:

I know that I have mentioned before that I work out of two buildings.  Both buildings have another counselor there full time.  I felt like I needed to specify which counselor this was coming from.  There is some confusion sometimes about all that. 

So I just fill in the information and check the time for them to come.  Most of the time I do the "when convenient" blank.  I don't use these a lot at the middle school.  Our teachers there each have phones in their classroom so I can just call them when I need someone out of their classroom.   It works really well at the high school though because the main office has senior office aides each period that deliver them for me when needed.

Well, that's it for now.  Thank you for reading!  How do you let students know you need to see them?  I would love to hear your ideas!

Meet Mrs. Hunt

One of the first things I like to do in a new school year is introduce myself to the students I serve.  Last year was the first time my position had ever existed in my district, so I felt like I needed to get out there and make sure my students knew the purpose of my job with them.  I actually first did this activity as a student in one of my graduate classes.  I thought it was a pretty good, fairly quick activity that I could adapt for 8th and 9th graders.  It also helps me learn about them.

This year, I only did this activity with 8th graders, mostly because the 9th graders did it last year, and most of them already know me.  Anyway, the majority of the 8th graders did not know me.  In fact, as I was hanging around before class started a couple of students asked if I was a sub.  I told them that is the perfect example of why I am here...I want them to know who I am and I want to know them.

Here is what I did:  I used some larger than normal size sketch paper.  I didn't think 8.5 x 11 was really big enough, but it would work if it's all you have.   Every kid gets one piece.  I also brought in my marker bucket, but it has crayons and colored pencils in there too.  I ended up having to tell them to just pick two things and hand it off to the next person.  Some kiddos will take forever to choose a color - they have to dig to the bottom of the bucket while everyone else waits. 

So, students divide their paper into four parts.  This is how I explain the different labels:

Family - tell me what you want me to know about your family.  You can include who you live with, or just whoever you consider your family, because family doesn't always have to mean blood relative.  I really try to make sure they understand that I am not asking for deep dark family secrets or anything.  I explain that my family was not perfect and I probably would not have wanted to spill the dynamics to my school counselor.  That's why I reiterate about just telling me what they want me to know.

Favorite - I just ask for a favorite something - it could be favorite food, favorite movie, favorite song, etc....you probably get the idea.  They can tell me more than one, but I ask for at least one.

Four Things (you do well) - I was trying to keep with the "F" theme here.  I have done other things like Fun (what you do for fun) and Fact (one fact about you), but this seemed to be a little more challenging for some students.  Some kids, as you know, have a hard time admitting they are good at something.

Future - I just ask them to tell me what they think about when they think about their future.  It can be at any point in the future - next year, next week, twenty years from now.

So I give them about 7 - 10 minutes to finish up.  As they are working I talk about where my office is, I talk about what kinds of things I can do for them, we talk about confidentiality and when I have to breach it, those types of things.  I make sure they know that if they get called to see me it does not mean they are in trouble, so don't ever be worried or afraid to come.

Here is the one I did for myself that I share with them.

 

Here are a few examples of what the kiddos did:

 

Not everyone took it seriously, hence the kid that said his future included being a hobo.  I of course told them there were no right or wrongs, and being 8th graders I got some interesting things.

The whole thing takes about 20 minutes, a couple of classes had more questions for me so I might have stayed longer in those.  When I leave I look over everyone's papers.  I figure out who was absent so I can catch them up when they return.  I look for "clues" on who I might want to see early on, who might throw a red flag, that kind of stuff.

These also serve as good excuses to call kids to my office if I get a concern from a teacher or something like that.  That way I don't really have to "fib" or tell them there was concern expressed about them.  I just tell them I am working my way through all the students and it was their turn to meet with me.  I pull out their paper and we go through it - it can kind of start the conversation going.

How do you introduce yourself to your students?  I would love to hear from you!

Disclaimer:  I hope this post makes sense!  It is late and I am pooped and I want to get it posted because I've put it off for days.  I feel like I am writing like I would be talking, and that is not always grammatically correct.  So, I apologize if my grammar and usage are not proper.  I'll try better next time, hopefully. :)   

Stress Balls, Anyone?

I think I mentioned in an earlier post how much  I liked Pinterest.  I have found so many neat ideas I want to try with/for my students.  In all my browsing I ran across homemade stress balls.  I didn't really think much about it, other than it was a neat idea.  Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about.  You can follow the links like I did for further instructions.  I didn't even actually pin these until tonight when I was gathering my pictures to post for the blog, but these are the inspiration for the stress balls I made.

 http://www.playcreateexplore.com/2011/07/playdough-filled-balloons.html

 

 http://pre-schoolplay.blogspot.com/2011/07/stress-ball-balloons.html

So anyway, last week I had a girl in my office who was talking about how she had a lot of anxiety and anger issues a few years ago.  She mentioned that she saw the school counselor at her previous school (in another district) about it.  What struck me though, was when she said that the only thing that really helped her was when that school counselor gave her a balloon full of sand.  She used to carry it around and squish it when she felt worried, upset, stressed, etc.  My mind instantly pictured the things I had browsed on Pinterest.  I pretty much decided then and there that I was gonna make some myself.

I already had some kiddos in mind that I thought would benefit from them.  So, that night I had to go into town anyway, so I made an extra stop at Hobby Lobby.  I picked up some baloons and some sand in a jar.

When I got home and looked everything back up again I saw the ideas for using play-doh and other things like rice and pasta.  I knew I had some play-doh around the house - I have three children after all.  So I got some of that down from the high shelf when the girls were in bed.  Yes, I stole play-doh from my children....it was for a good cause though.

 As you can see, we are in no shortage of play-doh.  This bag was actually full of empty cans for some reason, but I was able to scrounge around enough for two balls.  We have tons more upstairs in other baskets. 

 I have to admit, it looks kind of gross in there!  The actual process of getting the play-doh inside was interesting.  I blew the balloon up first to help stretch it some.  Then I held the neck of the balloon open with one thumb on each side.  I used my index finger to pick up the small pieces of play-doh and stuff them inside.  I stuffed and stuffed until I felt like I had a good amount in there.  After I shimmied the extra air out I tied off the end.  This is where it got interesting....I decided to put that balloon into another one, just for extra strength and durability.

The best comparison I can come up with to describe the process of putting a play-doh balloon inside an empty balloon would be like trying to put on a pair of Spanx that are two sizes too small.  It kept spilling out on all sides and I had to keep poking it down in there until I got it under control.  This is what my finished product looked like though.  I'm very happy with the outcome.

The sand brought new complications, mainly the possible mess it could create with one wrong move. Another worry was how to get the sand in there.  A regular funnel was just really too small.  So  I fashioned a funnel from a water bottle I had taken out of one of the girls' lunch boxes.  I just cut the end off with a pair of scissors.  It worked pretty good, because of the tight fit from the balloon neck.  It was an easy process to pour the sand in the balloon from there.

I didn't really know how much was a good amount, so I poured until I couldn't get the rest to go in.   Luckily I thought enough to step out on the front porch when I removed the balloon from the bottle.  Even though I had all the sand in there, it still sprayed some out just because of the force of it coming off.  It would not have been fun to sweep up a mess like that from my kitchen floor!

I made a second one and it went a little smoother.  I had figured out how to get the sand that had kind of bottle necked in spout to spread down into the balloon before I removed the bottle (funnel).

This is my finished product.  I have enough to make several more sand balloons because I actually have a whole other container of sand that is unopened.  Although I think my husband threw away my funnel when he cleaned the kitchen. :)

I think I like the balloons with play-doh better, they are softer and when you squish them they keep their shape.  I like the crunch sound of the sand ones though too.  Basically I ended with four balloons, and my fingers were killing me.  It is not something where you could sit down and whip out 15 or 20 at a time by yourself.  Balloons can hurt after a while.   I need to make a few each night until I have a good stockpile.  

Back to liking the play-doh ones better - The next day at school I offered the choice of balloons to two students and they both chose the play-doh ones.  They said they liked the way they felt, they seemed soft and smooth.  Then, after school my two school aged children confiscated the remaining sand balloons for themselves.  So, I won't be surprised if I don't find sand in the carpet upstairs one of these days.   Needless to say, I need to make more soon!

I actually plan to make several more and then keep them in both offices when the need arises.  They are easy things to just grab and give out to kids who are looking for ideas to help them feel better - a "quick fix" maybe, something to give them focus.  I like them too because it is something tangible they can physically take with them.  They are small and portable, so they go well in backpacks, or even hoodie pockets if needed, so they can be discrete if they want.  

Oh, and the student that gave me the idea originally was in my office again today and she had a small amount of play-doh that she was playing with as we spoke.  I thought that was interesting too.  One day I will share with her how she inspired me to do this project.

Well anyway, thanks for reading!  I would love to hear comments on things that you have used for the insides of stress balls, or any other comments, suggestions, or ideas that I can use as well. 

My next post is going to be about how I introduce myself to the 8th graders for the first time! :)